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"oh alcohol, will you please forgive me? for while I cannot love myself, i'll drink something else."

yeah right. totally drank with my neighbor (and friend) Ashley. I feel bad cuz I had to drag her home and her mom was sooo pissed. I am such a bad influence :(

not to mention the calories. i'm gonna regret it on the scale tomorrow. alcohol has way too many calories. but it has been a while since I've "let loose" so I don't think i'll regret it. i'll just lose it this week by calorie cutting and exercise. i'm already lighter than last month... it almost makes me nervous, I haven't lost weight this quickly in years. but I suppose I just want it bad enough.

my mom saw me today and say I can't get below 135....... or what??? i'm friggin 28 years old. not her, or even my treatment team can dictate my weight anymore.

when I was 18 I had to stay home an extra year because if I didn't agree my treatment team and parents were going to get a court order saying I couldn't take care of myself because I wouldn't maintain my minimum weight.

well, I haven't lived with my parents for years. my dad has disowned me, and I know mom is worried that i'm relapsing, but she can't stop me. I almost feel bad, but losing weight makes me feel better. too much better. I hate to say I don't care what she says, but I don't.

last time I went to the hospital they warned me that after years of starving my body's organs were getting weaker and I had to recover or die. but i'm not passing out, and I feel great, and i'm not even "anorectic" by definition right now (just EDNOS).

so screw them all. i'm doing this. another 9-10lbs this month. i'm doing this. my goal by the end of april is under 130lbs.


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Apr. 7th, 2015 07:34 pm (UTC)

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